Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
