If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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