plz talk dirty to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I AM VODKA MAN
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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