the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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