how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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