My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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