i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
