i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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