We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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