look no pants
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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