There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
