Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
