He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
