somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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