Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
