If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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