My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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