i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
