Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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