Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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