I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
