your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
