so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
