Soap is not a condiment
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
