I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
