we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
