Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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