After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
