foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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