She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize