Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
