just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
