Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
