Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I love having hate sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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