We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
