she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
