he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
