Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
