Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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