1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
