i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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