mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
