I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
