The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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