It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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