My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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