I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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