five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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