If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
