I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
