just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
