I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
