I smell stomach acid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How's work?
Spinning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
