I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
