I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
