hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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