I'm going to jail i love you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
