quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
