You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize