Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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