the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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