I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
