the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
