She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize