Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
